Harry Potter Drama Class
by ZenZen
Summary: ...Snape is Harry's real father!... Dumbledore has introduced Hogwarts to... DRAMA LESSONS! That crazy old man.


Dumbledore smiled, amused at the number of students that turned up at his first Drama lesson. _They have no idea_, he chuckled to himself. His plots were not revealed to anyone, not even the staff members. 

Dumbledore looked around the room, and was surprised to find that Severus Snape, the Potions master has joined the ranks of students. Sitting next to Draco Malfoy, he had a particularly sour look on his face as he eyed the script in front of him warily. Dumbledore nearly cheered out loud in excitement, _this is going to be so much more _dramatic_ with Severus here_. 

The white haired headmaster was giddy, _and it is never a good thing when this happens_, Snape noted scornfully, completely unaware of the man's plans. He reached towards his script, but a magical force blocked his hand. His eyes narrowed suspiciously; the headmaster was up to something, he could _feel _it.

Seeing that nearly everyone has settled comfortably into the rather plush seats, Dumbledore clapped his hands together, drawing all their attention to him. 

"Good morning, everyone," he started, "as you know, you are all here for a Hogwarts first, a drama lesson, like one which would take place in a muggle high school."

Draco Malfoy let out a hardly inaudible snort.

Choosing to ignore this, Dumbledore carried on. "As I have once participated in one of these lessons, I realise that this, is what will make Hogwarts more lively. These scripts you see before you, are the handiworks of many muggle authors worldwide. I must say that they are the most entertaining read a wizard can hope for, these magic clichés are absolutely ingenious." 

With a wave of his hands, the magical barriers separating the students from the scripts vanished. There was a flurry of movement as the students reached for their own copies of the thinly bound volume.

Flipping the book to page one, Snape noticed a series of headings, and the first one was- 

_Ah_, Dumbledore smiled as he noticed Harry Potter topple over in shock and Snape narrow his eyes menacingly, _they have read the title for the first play._

Ignoring the horrified gasps from Gryffindors and Slytherins, Dumbledore opened his own copy of _Horribly Clichéd Magic Scenarios_ and cleared his throat.

"Scenario number one," he read, "Severus Snape is actually Harry Potter's father."

~*~*~*

There were a surprising number of volunteers to play the parts of the characters involved. In the end, Dumbledore picked a handful of students who he thought would be good actors. 

"Hem, hem." Ernie cleared his throat (sounding remarkably like Umbridge, Dumbledore noted with a scowl), and skimmed his lines. (The characters below are as named as themselves, to avoid confusion)

Snape: Potter, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but-

Harry: You failed me on my potions exam?

Snape: (pausing dramatically, and then in a very Anakin Skywalker sort of way) No, Harry. _I _am your father.

Harry: Oh really? Does this mean that I get an 'O' in potions, and quite possibly get extra credit for my NEWTs?

Dumbledore smiled, satisfied, and moved on to the next group, where the students were acting out the 'Evil Snape' titled play. 

('Voldemort' has 'Harry' tied up and is about to torture him.)  
  
Voldemort- MUWAHA! I am the great You-Know-Who! I have the great Harry Potter in my captive! I am going to torture you because there is a lack of anything else I could do to the boy who has caused my downfall! I will not stop talking because that's what the script says I must say! I will stop talking now because according to the script there is something you want to say!  
  
Harry- you evil thing! I will get you! I will not surrender to you!  
  
Snape- you would think that to be very stupid once you end up as a pile of dust on the rug, you know.

Harry- YOU! I knew it! I KNEW you were evil!  
  
Snape- yes, well, on the topic of newly-discovered-well-hidden-for-years-secrets, I will use this time to tell you that I, Severus Snape, Potions master, am your real father… MWAHAHAHA!!!   
  
Harry- …  
  


_Looks like this group is doing quite well_, Dumbledore mused, and walked to the other side of the room, where the 'Evil Harry' theme is being done. 

Harry- (evil laugh)I shall torture you until you beg for mercy because that is what evil people do and in case you haven't noticed I am an evil person!   
  
Ron- don't do it Harry, I'm your best friend!   
  
Hermione- don't do it Harry, I'm your girlfriend!   
  
Ginny- don't do it Harry, I'm your secret admirer!   
  
Dumbledore- don't do it Harry, I am your only mentor!   
  
Snape- don't do it Harry, I'm your father!   
  
Harry- then why don't I look like you?

Snape- well, erm… you see, heh. That's a very… intricate… matter…

Dumbledore was pleased by the way he was portrayed. The way he said 'mentor' like it was some sort of very secretive and important job… _moving on…_

_Ah ha, the 'Clueless Harry' scenario…_

(Harry is doing detention in the dungeons with Snape.)   
  
Snape- (fiddles with his HP Lego set) this is Severus, this is Lily. Severus and Lily sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! (Watches Harry's face intently for a reaction)   
  
Harry- (is looking out the window)…   
  
Snape- (louder) this is Severus, this is Lily. Lily and Severus got together one dark and stormy night… (Coughs loudly to get Harry's attention)   
  
Harry- (starts singing 'Hit Me Baby One More Time')   
  
Snape- (practically shouting) this is Severus, this is Lily. Lily and Severus made the baby Harry Potter…   
  
Harry- (starts humming 'I Feel Like A Woman')   
  
Snape- (screaming at the top of his lungs) IT WAS A DRAK AND STORMY NIGHT WHEN LILY AND SEVERUS MADE THE BABY HARRY POTTER!!!   
  
Harry- (sighs and mutters) but I thought that the storks do that…   
  
Snape- (faints anime style)   
  
Harry- what'd I say?   
  


That was one of Dumbledore's favourites, he had to admit. 

Noticing that they were out of time, Dumbledore decided to look at just one last group. This group was doing a little scene by the name of ' Lily And James Comes Back To Life And Tells Harry The Truth About His Father And The Author Is Secretly Wondering Why The Title Of This Scenario Is So @%*$^#!! Long'   
  
  
Dumbledore- (mutters a charm that will bring the dead Potters back to life)   
  
Harry- (disbelievingly) if you could do that, then why didn't you do it sooner?   
  
Dumbledore- (shrugs) don't look at me, the author made me do it.   
  
Harry- Mum! Dad! You're alive!   
  
Lily- (roll eyes) no, really?   
  
Harry- D-Dad? You're my Dad?   
  
James- (coughs) erm… about that… Harry, if you must know, I am not your real father… Severus and Lily (coughs) gottogetheronedarkandstormynightandmadeyou…   
  
Harry- (puzzled) come again?   
  
James- er… never mind, some people live their whole lives not knowing about their real identities… (Talks about the weather)

~*~*~*

The lesson was over (too soon, in Dumbledore's opinion), and the students had fun. Of course, some people vowed never to attend a Drama class again. 

"I see that everyone was having a good time," Dumbledore announced, as everyone packed up to go. "I have thought about it, and after much debate, I have decided to make this Drama lesson a compulsory one. All students' attendance is essential. Of course, we will be doing a slightly different course of study next week."

Dumbledore nodded to Professor MacGonagall to hand out the planners for the next lesson.

"This is the only homework we are setting for this class," he continued. "It is to help you understand what you should expect to be coming up."

As every student received a copy of the sheet, Dumbledore was pleased to see the reactions.

He took his own copy of the planner and read out loud to the students (and an already unconscious Hermione), "Scenario number two: Severus Snape is trying to get into Hermione Granger's pants."

~End

Disclaimer: I isssss not owning anything. Yesssss, preciousssss.

A/N: Yes. Well. Finally I have this fic down on paper. Crazy!Dumbledore is so much fun to write. 

Mmmm… Severus torturing… ^_^


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